Struggling to change your feelings in sport? Here's why.
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I recently shared a conversation I had with serial entrepreneur Will Moore on how to change negative thinking in relation to sport and business.
I’ve been amazed by the positive feedback I’ve received from triathletes.
Coach Mette Pettersen Moe, who holds the female Norseman record, even set it as homework for her athletes!
Yep, athletes, entrepreneurs, teenagers… no matter who or where you are in your journey, everyone wants to ditch those negative thoughts more efficiently.
If you’re struggling with unhelpful thinking and feelings, recognising if your self-talk is passive or active is a crucial first step.
From there, you can shift how your feeling and what happens next.
And it all starts with using one word in a new way:
Here’s a quick intro to what you’ll learn in the blog, with a focus on getting back your motivation to train:
What is passive language and why it is problematic
When speaking to pro and amateur athletes who are stuck, they often talk about their problems in and out of sport in 'passive statements.' For example:
"I can't do that"
"I'm bad at that"
"I feel stressed about..."
"My boss make me feel frustrated"
"I always take longer to overcome mistakes in a tennis match when I'm more skilled than my opponent."
"I'm a slow swimmer."
"It always takes me a long time to fall asleep"
These statements are ‘passive’, because it feels like you're powerless to the circumstances beyond your control. That there's nothing you can do to influence the situation for the better. It's just the way it is and you're a victim of your circumstances, unless your opponent is better than you, you become a faster swimmer, until your boss changes and/or time passes.
For example, "My boss makes me feel frustrated" suggests that your boss is a puppeteer and the only solutions are:
Make them change
Change your job
Put up with it
Using passive language therefore creates and maintains the sense of being stuck with this problem for the foreseeable future. It may also cause pain and difficulties - which sucks and isn't fair. You shouldn't be a victim to the things outside of your control.
As passive language creates and maintains stuckness, what happens if you go from being passive to something (or someone), to being active?
How to change from passive to active language
When you speak passively to yourself, it suggests that your feelings are an object or a thing that you cannot do anything about.
But this isn't true. You can't pick up your feelings, e.g. stress, anxiety, nervousness, like an object and hit them with your tennis racket, put them in your bento box or in your sled.
As your feelings are NOT things, but something you DO, with the right tools, you can positively change how you're feeling and what you're doing!
This starts by changing your self-talk from passive to active language, and the best, most powerful way is to use the word 'do' (doing, does, did) in your sentences.
The 'do' (doing, does, did) indicates and tells you that although you're involved in the situation at a certain level, your involvement is unconscious and unintentional.
It's important that you do NOT blame yourself for the situation, as you did it unconsciously, you didn't mean to do it.
The 'do' enables you to recognise that you have the power to change how you feel and influence what happens next. It gives you that crucial second option.
When you use 'do' (doing, does, did) in your self-talk, you'll feel a small pause in what you're doing and how you're feeling.
You'll realise that you have the amazing power to stop doing the unhelpful thing, e.g. stress, and instead, start doing something else consciously and intentionally that will enhance your performance and life!
Examples of passive to active language
Here are some examples of moving from a passive to an active statement:
"I always take longer to overcome my mistakes in a tennis match when I'm more skilled than my opponent."
Becomes:
"I am doing longer to overcome mistakes in a tennis match when I think I'm more skilled than my opponent."
"I'm a slow swimmer."
Becomes:
"I'm doing doubting myself as a swimmer"
"It always takes me a long time to fall asleep"
Becomes:
"I'm doing a long time to fall asleep"
'I am stressed by the state of the race season"
Becomes:
"I'm doing stress around the state of the race season"
Don't let unhelpful labels stick
Labels stick, the ones we give ourselves and the ones that others give us e.g. coaches, parents, colleagues, teaches.
You might have already noticed that when you change passive statements to active ones, you're also changing statements about WHO you are, to statements about something you DO.
For example:
"I'm bad at time management" is a statement about WHO you are.
But if we add in the 'do':
"I do bad time management a lot."
Poor time management is now something unhelpful that you do, which means you don't have to do it anymore!
You can choose and practice being consistently great at time management!
Add in the 'do' every time you or someone else tells you something that's unhelpful to you.
This will help you to separate statements from your identity to something you do, so not only will you be able to do something else that's even more life-enhancing, but the only labels that will stick, are the empowering ones.
Become a pro at changing states
Using do (did/doing/does) in your self-talk (and other conversations) will enable you to become a pro at changing states.
State just means being in a certain state of mind - feeling certain feelings in that moment.
You're always in a certain state, whether it's focus and concentration as you're reading, feeling energised and ready to rock your next workout, or looking forward to the training session ending so you can relax.
The problem is that as athletes (and humans!) is that you're often in the wrong state for the job at hand.
For example, if you're stuck in traffic on the way to your next race or competition, you get more and more angry and frustrated as time is ticks by. Are these feelings making the traffic move faster? Is this state helping you? No.
By using 'do', you're able to more easily move from an unhelpful state to another state that's infinitely more helpful.
For example:
"I'm angry that the traffic is making me late"
Becomes "I'm doing anger that the traffic is slow."
That extra option now appears: If I'm doing anger, which isn't helping me, what could I do instead that is helpful?
If you want to feel relaxed while you wait for the traffic to move, how could you transition into that state? Perhaps put on a podcast, some music, ring a friend etc.
The words you use are the architecture and structure of your life's experience. Ensure you're using the most powerful, productive and positive words, so you can consistently perform and live your best life.
